Extending Our Happily Ever After

"We do! Now let's live healthy and fit!"


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My recent struggle…

Lately, I’ve been experiencing my first REAL struggle out of this entire journey… It’s coinciding with the news of my recent announcement of needing a right hip replacement. Currently, I am going to physical therapy to prep for the surgery. This is new to me. I am in my second week and I’m going every Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.

I thought I was in shape… and last week when I announced the surgery, I was in a great place mentally. I felt as though this would be a breeze and I was going to recover quickly and become a new woman! But I’ve had 4 therapy sessions under my belt and I’m worn out. Basically, after just two appointments, I was experiencing pain and twinges of back pain that I haven’t felt in over a year. I went in to my appt on Friday and told the therapists that my back was starting to really feel the stress of the therapy and that I was starting to experience the spasms of yesteryear… but they just asked if I wanted another heating pad or pillow… and I just went along with the exercises yet again… Well, on that afternoon, I almost couldn’t move… I was in such pain.

With this pain, I went back to an old habit of wanting to eat to feel better… so I went to McDonald’s drive-thru for dinner… and then, obviously felt just horrible afterwards!

Saturday, I was participating in a Craft Show and my back was super sore, but I had made a commitment, so I went anyway… and once I set up (super slowly, mind you)… I took 3 ibuprofin… and sat down, near tears… I tried to be cheerful and friendly, but the pain was just near the surface… a couple of hours later, I took 3 more ibuprofin, but nothing was touching the pain and then the back spasms started… and at times, I just couldn’t move at all… it was horrible… When the show was over, I somehow managed to pack up and a nice man helped load up my car and I drove home in tears… I took 2 Aleve, had hubby rub some Bengay on my back and crawled into bed and fell asleep.

Sunday, I rested alot and it eased some, and I was able to get out and watch my son perform in his opening show of Guys and Dolls… but still not feeling well, I drove back through McD’s again for dinner… Uggh! Then it was just watch tv all night and eat.

Such a struggle when you are feeling miserable and in pain and then let your diet and healthy food choices go downhill completely, when you just KNOW that it’s the wrong thing and not even the best “bad” food… just junk!

I couldn’t even exercise like usual, due to the pain in my back…

I woke up to a new day and even though I’m still feeling not quite myself and as peppy and happy as my usual self (which is USUALLY very happy)… I still woke up with the effort of staying 100% compliant on my plan… and it’s bedtime now and I can thankfully say that I was successful! Thank God! But, it was a struggle… and I know that tomorrow will be as well.

I went to therapy today in tears, and today they listened (tears totally helped!)… We nixed a few exercises, replacing them with standing exercises and a few sitting exercises. I probably won’t truly know til tomorrow if it helped… but tonight, I don’t feel that bad… so, fingers crossed that it worked. Hopefully, getting rid of the serious pain will get rid of the horrible mood which will get rid of the bad feelings that I’ll want to “eat away”… and then I can start focusing on my healthy life again!

I sure hope so!

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My first speech…

This has been a crazy week. A bit stressful and alot going on.

First, I gave a speech this week. I joined Toastmasters, which is an international organization where members improve their speaking and leadership skills by attending learn-by-doing meetings. My husband saw a recent article in a local newspaper about this organization. I hadn’t heard of it before. The reason he suggested I join this organization is that with my recent weightloss, I’ve been really thinking alot of what I want to do with my life. I have become a source of inspiration with alot of people in the past year and it seems that daily, I get asked questions on how I lost my weight, or just that I have been motivating people to get in touch with their own personal weightloss and fitness goals. It really makes me happy and it gives me a huge sense of pride to help people if I can… so I am not sure where public speaking fits in to that, but it’s something I’ve struggled with all my life.

This is very odd to me, as I’m one of the most outgoing people you’d ever meet. I am that person who talks to strangers in the street… yep, that’s me. I am very friendly and never seem to have a problem making friends or just opening up to anyone and talking about anything… yet, to have to get up in front of a room of people is a whole other ballgame. So, without knowing what path my life might be on, we thought it might be a good idea to join up with Toastmasters and brush up on this skill that I have an issue with. If anything, I thought I could at least make new friends.

The first time you make a speech in Toastmasters, it’s called the “Ice Breaker” speech. The speech can be about anything you want and should be 4-6 minutes long. I decided to tape myself, mainly so that I can watch it and learn from it… and hopefully better myself before I jump into speech #2. So, I posted it on YouTube and here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBKEc3aOacU&feature=share

Overall, I was happy with it. I did, however, feel my voice shake throughout the entire thing. However, watching it, I see that it didn’t… that’s odd to me, but good to know. I was happy that I glanced at my speech, yet didn’t read the entire thing and was able to make eye contact… yet, that did leave me open to alot of “and so…” (grammarian counted 11 of them… oops!). I was timed at 5 min 44 sec, which I was very happy with, as it was within the time limit. I did stumble several times and leave thoughts open, but, for my first speech, I think I did fairly well.

I almost feel that I’d do better in a storyteller type of speaker setting… unless I just memorized something and delivered it. I think that I think too much and that might leave me open for the grammarian-critiqued pauses that come in.

The other bit of this week that was stressful for me was that I found out the following day that I was going to be needing hip replacement surgery. It’s good news, but huge news, none-the-less. Since all of this, I’ve been emotionally drained and just exhausted. I have been keeping up with my health, walking in the afternoons and keeping up with my diet. I have lost a couple of pounds, which is great. I’d love to lose more weight before I actually go in for the surgery. I just have been so very tired as well.

I start physical therapy tomorrow, three times a week. I have thoughts of getting the house cleaned and prepped so that when I’m recovering and it’s only the “men” here taking care of things (scary thought)… that everything will be just fine, ya know? I need to prep a room downstairs that I can recover in, as I won’t be able to make the flight upstairs to our bedroom… so just alot to think about and get ready for.

This will also be the first time in my life I’ve ever gone on disability… and I hear that it’s such a huge delay getting a check from co-workers who’ve done this in the past… so that’s another level of stress… I know I just need to relax… not sweat the small stuff I have no control over and just let go and let God. Sometimes that’s so much easier said than done. Breathe in and breathe out… I’ll be fine.